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Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Ol’ Robbo finally, after four or five years, got himself over to Visionworks today to get his eyes checked out and order up a new pair of contacts (hard, gas-permeable) and glasses.

The funny thing was that for the first time since I started wearing glasses back in third grade, I felt like I really nailed the exam: Usually I flutter in hesitancy between A and B, 1 and 2, and come away feeling vaguely dissatisfied. Today? Bingo, bango, boom. The choices were clear, the results very “right”, and I snapped them off immediately and definitively. The doc was most impressed. I dunno what the difference might have been. I was just “on” for some reason.

The other thing that has changed since my last checkup is that they’ve got some whiz-bang new machine that takes a digital photograph all the way around to the back of the eye. (It looks a bit like one of those olde-timey peep-show machines.) No need for dilation anymore, either, so I don’t spend the rest of the day looking like a dope-fiend. The pics are very, very cool. And the good news is that Ol’ Robbo’s peepers are in very, very fine health. (Apart from the fact that, you know, they don’t actually work, of course.)

The other thing was picking out a new set of frames. I wound up with about the cheapest, non-fashion brand ones I could find. I’m sure Mrs. R isn’t going to like them very much, but she prolly wouldn’t have liked anything I picked due to the fact that she wasn’t there to help. As Chaucer reminds us, what women prize above all else in life is their will in all matters.

But part of my decision, and also the reason I avoid getting new glasses as much as possible, was that I knew the lenses themselves were going to be damned expensive. For one thing, they’re progressives. (It’s an outright cosmic injustice to be both nearsighted and farsighted at the same time. That I’m also astigmatic is just icing on the cake.) For another, I have such horrible vision that I have to go with the very high-end compressed kind if I don’t want to look like I’m wearing a couple of coke bottles on my face. Even with the 50% discount the store gave me, they were a lot.

So there we are. I look forward to finally being able to see comfortably again. (Among other whistles and bells, I got the blue-light screen protection, so hopefully I won’t be streaming tears by the end of the day from staring at my computer monitors anymore. Who knows, I might even feel relief enough to start posting something half-way intelligent here!)


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August 2022