Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Yep, it’s that time of year. Pumpkin-spice “creamer” has made its way into the fridge.

The very idea makes my stomach turn.

And it’s not even real “creamer”, but instead is “almond milk”, whatever that is.

And it’s not just “almond milk”, but pretentious “almond milk”. One side of the carton proclaims in big, bold lettering: WE BELIEVE In Making DELICIOUS PLANT-BASED FOOD That Does Right By You And FUELS OUR PASSION FOR THE PLANET To Make Your Journey SMOOTH”.

Core lumme, stone the crows.

Mrs. R was mighty puzzled when I opened the fridge this morning, spotted the carton, and said, “Well bless your hearts.”

But I meant it.