Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Ol’ Robbo has spent the last three days logging something not far short of 800 miles in the rental car as he passes hither and yon across the landscape on his biznay.  This time around, I find myself driving a tricked out, new model GMC Yukon.  (There are four of us and we have a lot of stuff.)


The thing contains a number of features Ol’ Robbo has never encountered before, including some kind of sensor field that causes the driver’s seat to vibrate if the car thinks you’re drifting out of your lane or are about to back into something.

I can kinda, sorta see the benefits of such a feature, especially with a beast the size of a Yukon.

What I can’t see is the new semi-autonomy of some of the controls.  For instance, skirting through scattered storms this week, the thing would suddenly announce “rain conditions detected” on the dashboard and start turning the damned windshield wipers off and on all by itself.  Ditto the headlights.

This bothers Ol’ Robbo to no end.  A machine is supposed to do what I tell it to do, not the other way ’round.

Another weird feature:  Yesterday afternoon on the way back home, the center readout suddenly flashed out a fairly longish text that I couldn’t read at just a glance.  On a long, straight stretch of highway, I finally got a chance to focus on it.  “Danger,” it said. “Do not attempt to read long texts while driving.  Such distractions are hazardous.”

Was this some kind of sick joke?

By the bye, Ol’ Robbo can tell you one thing here and now:  I will never, ever, under any conditions whatsoever, get into a so-called “self-driving” car.  If I can’t control where it goes and when, I want no part of it whatsoever.

Do these designers not realize that Skynet was supposed to be a warning, not a “how-to”?