Greetings, my fellow port swillers!
It seems that the Gels’ latest “What a Dinosaur ol’ Dad Is” meme is to make fun of the fact that I still carry around a Motorola flip phone which I must have had, oh, at least eight or ten years now.
Until they started this line of ragging, ol’ Robbo hadn’t even known it was a thing, since I hardly ever use my phone. In fact, the only reason I even have one at all is for use while commuting in case of emergency or change of itinerary sent out from Port Swiller HQ. Truth be told, I don’t even know my own cell number.
In response to the question of why I don’t upgrade, I also note:
a) that I don’t want to turn into one of the legion of zombies I see walking about with their eyes locked on their iThingies, and
b) even if I wanted to, from what I understand of our Verizon plan, Mrs. R and the gels have been helping themselves to my upgrades all this time, so I have not even been given the opportunity.
Anyhoo, I bring all this up because I had a dream last night that I was supposed to pick up Jon “Horseface” Carry at the Denver airport but, because I didn’t have my phone on, I had missed the instructions. Somehow, as I scrambled about trying to get ready and wondering why I had to fetch him, I could hear his voice muttering in the background about “incompetence” and “shoddy service” and “I can’t believe this”. Yeah, John. You should talk.
I then further discovered that not only was I late to pick up Kerry at the Denver airport, it was also Thanksgiving Day; I had a house full of family, all of them already sitting expectantly at the table; and that I hadn’t even turned on the oven yet. I found myself feverishly looking at the instructions on the turkey wrapping, trying to find out the correct oven setting. The only number I could find was 500°F, which, even in my dream, I knew was way too high for a bird.
Finally, I looked up at my guests and said, “Um, this is going to take a while.”
And then I woke up.
UPDATE: Apropos, I saw this somewhere the other day. Pretty funny because true: