Greetings, my fellow port swillers!
What a frabjous day (Callooh! Callay!) this has been, my friends! Why? Because our Dear Leader, having solved all other domestic and foreign problems, has today taken the opportunity to turn his mighty intellect to the tragic and heartbreaking scandal of youth sports concussions.
At last! Praise be.
As a matter of fact, this nooz resonates in the very heart of the Port Swiller family. You see, about two years ago, while teh youngest gel was enrolled in a winter swim training program, she was practicing her backstroke one evening, lost track of her stroke count, and sailed head-first into the wall at the rate of knots.
When ol’ Robbo got to the pool, he found teh gel sitting slumped against the wall, weeping and babbling. (All fooling aside, the trip to the emergency room was truly an exercise in parental anguish.) The docs diagnosed mild concussion, but since the treatment seems to have involved nothing more than sitting about in the ER waiting for her to snap out of it, I’m not sure just how valuable that information actually was.
Anyhoo, I’m hoping that this new initiative, in its understandable emphasis on contact sports like football, rugby and boxing, will not leave out consideration of this aquatic peril. At the least, I expect a Federal mandate for swimmer helmets and/or styrofoam lining in all pools.