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Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Just a friendly reminder that tomorrow night (despite whatever WordPress’s snobbish adherence to GMT may make this post’s timing seem otherwise), a potential milestone in Truly Bad Films is set to debut Thursday, July 11, on teh ScyFy channel:  Sharknado!  (Check your local listings.)

I’ve mentioned this a time or two both here and on FB.  Friends of the decanter may scratch their collective heads about this, given my usually high-brow [Ed. – or at least faux high-brow; Shut up] approach to the arts.  The question flies round the clubs; “Why, Robbo?  WHY?”

Well, I’ll tell you:  The entire concept of killer sharks being sucked up by tornadoes and dropped on a helplessly condensed  human population, when I ponder on it, fills me with wild cackles of absurdist  glee.

THIS has all the trappings of Oscar – Truly Bad Films category.

Oh, I ask myself, how are they going to weave in the standard plot lines: the Cassandra-like maverick scientist who Knows Teh Troof ahead of time and yet is spit upon by the establishment;  the corrupt pol/ ruthless industry giant/ zealot-like military brass who foolishly deny or dismiss said hero’s warnings (and meet ugly deaths as a result);  the alt maverick scientist/ gutsy journalist love interest who, through the shark-infested disaster, reignites his/her once-sundered love with teh primo maverick;  the arbitrary fates of the various Red-Shirts mixed up with the plot line.

The world wonders.  Not so much, though.  If I have any nose for these things, I’ll wager the plot lines will expose themselves in the first fifteen minutes or so.

On a more practical note, when I’ve summarized the plot for teh gels, their collective response has been something along these lines:  The horror is that teh sharks are attacking innocent people?  Well, assuming that a bunch of sharks actually could be sucked out of teh ocean by a tornado and dropped on dry land, would such animals be in any condition after their ride to, you  know, have the slightest interest in actually eating anyone?  Would’t they be too busy being squashed into pancakes from their fall?

Very fair questions.  After all, Science! 

Here’s my hope.  (And let me emphasize that I have done no intertoobs research on this in order to steal anyone else’s ideas.)  Yeah, sucking up, spinning and dropping an ordinary  animal from a couple thousand feet is going to render it useless once it reaches the ground.  (Gravity: Not just a good idea, it’s the law.)  However, supposing the Military had a sooper-secrket pen of sharks trained for HALO-like drops into enemy waters?  Twisters, no doubt through anthropogenic global warming, hit said pens, thereby launching said trained killahs into the environs of Los Angeleez.  Teh sharks getting picked up, spun around and then launched into combat circus?  No probs.   They know what to do.  Hit. Teh ground. Chomping.

Eh, it could happen.

Well, we shall see.

Mrs. R and teh younger gels are away for a few days, but teh eldest gel and I plan to watch the movie.  I’ll let you know my opinion….

UPDATE:  See what I did up there?  Initial thoughts best captured by eldest gel’s remark:  “Dad, I’ve never seen you laugh so hard in my life!”  Script didn’t go the way I had hoped it would – no genetically modified paramilitary sharks – and there was a flat stretch in the middle of the film, but teh climax simply was off the cheese scale.  Well played, indeed.  And FWIW, I couldn’t help noticing that most of the primary actors in the piece exuded a certain aura of shame that they were mixed up in such an incredible dog of a movie.



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