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Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Despite my lack of posting on them, Ol’ Robbo has, of course, been keeping up with the various firestorms occupying the nooz and commentary outlets (at least those not otherwise distracted by this Justin Bieber person and other shiny things.)    As I’ve said before, I won’t comment on any of them here since I am a bit too close to the matter for gratuitous observation to be in any way, ah,  healthful.  I will simply say that I realize more and more the pure yet subtle viciousness of that Chinese curse about living in interesting times.

No, instead I will relate a curious thing that happened to me today.

You see, over the years, while I have seen the aftermath of various traffic accidents, I have never before seen an accident as it actually was happening.  (I was in one, when I was about seven, when a woman in an on-coming VW Beetle tried an illegal left turn in front of the Old Gentleman and failed, but I couldn’t see over the dash of the ‘Stang and didn’t know what was going on until I was jerked forward against my seatbelt.  Similarly, a few years ago I accidentally backed straight into the front end of the Former Llama Military Correspondent’s minivan in the driveway at Port Swiller Manor, having completely forgotten that it was parked there.  However, this was early on a New Year’s Day morning and, frankly, I don’t think I was fully, um, awake.  So neither of those count.)

Today, however, I witnessed not one but two accidents.   (Fortunately, neither one was in any way major or required me to stop and lend first aid or eye-witness testimony.)

Indeed, the second one, on the way home this evening, barely counted.  A woman in an SUV two cars in front of me came over a little rise to discover the traffic stopped in front of her.  She couldn’t quite come to a stop in time and wound up tapping the car in front of her.  There was no damage that I could see as I slid by a few minutes later.

On the other hand, the first one was positively entertaining.   I was sitting behind a dump truck at a light this morning, preparing to make a right turn.  To our inside right, also preparing to turn, was a Jerk Store denizen in a Beemer SUV.  He had been surfing in and out of traffic much to my annoyance for a couple blocks.

When the light turned and we started to move forward,  Jerk Store Boy tried to rabbit out and cut across in front of the dump truck in order to get over to the left.  Well, Jerk Store Boy misjudged it, and the dump truck driver either didn’t see him or didn’t care, because when the truck came round the turn, its front end caught the Beemer in the right rear bumper with a most impressive bang!   The thing looked pretty crumpled as I slid by in the ol’ Wrangler and proceeded on my way.

I confess that I snickered.  I’m a pretty aggressive driver myself but I’m not a jerk about it.  And although I know that schadenfreude is sinful, I can’t help indulging in it when I see jerk drivers come croppers for their jerkiness.

And yes, when I see a driver make an obnoxious move, I have fallen into the habit of saying to myself, “Oh, yeah? Well the Jerk Store called and they’re running out of you!

The deuce, you say?  Enjoy:


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May 2013