Greetings, my fellow port-swillers!

Last evening, the middle gel sidled up to me wearing an expression I’ve long learned to suspect and said in a voice of which I’ve long learned to beware, “Dad? You know what we’d like to get for Christmas? Nintendo 3DS’s!”

“What the heck is that?” I asked.

She explained that it is apparently the latest video game thingamabobber, with lots of new whistles and bells.  Everybody’s getting them.

“Well,” I said, “I can tell you right now that the answer is no.”

“What!” she exclaimed.  “Why nooooot?”

“Because,” I replied firmly, “You’ve already got teevee and DVDs and Wii and your iWhatevers and you’re near enough to beholden zombies to the things as it is.  You don’t need another gadget.”


Regular port swillers who are fond of the Brendan Fraser Mummy movie may recall the scene where the High Priest Imhotep summons a zombie mob to get Fraser and his friends.  It has become something of a tradition in the port-swiller household to allude to this scene any time the subject of mindless enslavement to technology (one of ol’ Robbo’s stock rants) comes up.  Therefore, I bugged my eyes, cocked my head to the side, extended my arms and began to mutter, “Iiiimhotep….Iiiiiiiimhotep……IIIIIIIImhotep…….”

The gel, much to her credit, laughed.

“Okay, then,” she said, “Can I get some kittens?”