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Will it never, ever end?  P.D. James writes Pride and Prejudice crime novel:

Crime writer PD James is to publish a novel that puts murder at the heart of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.

Death Comes to Pemberley, which is due out in November, is set six years after the events of Austen’s tale of romance and social advancement.

It sees Darcy and Elizabeth’s marriage thrown into disarray when Lydia Wickham arrives unannounced and declares her husband has been murdered.

James said it had been “a joy” to immerse herself in Austen’s world.

“I have to apologise to Jane Austen for involving her beloved Elizabeth in a murder investigation,” she said in a statement, “but this fusion of my two enthusiasms – for the novels of Jane Austen and for writing detective stories – has given me great pleasure which I hope will be shared by my readers.”

The 91-year-old is best known for her series of novels starring detective and poet Adam Dalgleish.

Sigh.

I’ve an idea floating about in my head of laying hold of all the characters created by all the authors who have tried to hook their cars to the Jane Austen gravy train.  I would then take all these characters and put them together in one novel of my own, wherein I could wreak a hideous revenge.    In fact, I could create a sort of Austen’s Inferno, with descending levels of wickedness and appropriate punishments meted out.   Alicia Silverstone’s Cher Horowitz from Clueless would probably only merit Limbo, because that was actually a pretty clever movie.  If James is going to start leaving bodies lying about, then Commander Dalgleish will have to go to the Seventh Circle.  Where would I put the zombies, I wonder?

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Greetings, my fellow port swillers!

Ol’ Robbo has watched an awful lot of Nats baseball on teevee this year.  (And although this post isn’t about the Nats themselves, I must confess that the picture of Phillies fans leaving Citizen’s Bank Park early in disgust last night  as their team dropped their third straight at home to my beloved Nats was a thing of beauty.  Fun trivia: Two years ago, the Nats had a season record of 3-15 against the Phils.  Last year, it was 6-12.  This year?  With one to go, we’re 9-8.  Sweeeet.)

But where was I? Oh, yes – the teevee.

As is inevitable with watching a lot of ball games, I have also seen a lot of commercials.  Over and over and over again.  And two of them in particular have really begun to irritate me.  Allow me to share my gripes.  (See, children?   This is why daddy blogs.)

The first is a commercial for the latest BMW.  It features a studly guy driving a long stretch of desert road.  The point of the ad is to tout the Beemer’s gas mileage, the tag line being, “You’ll need to refuel before it does.”  So, as the guy is motoring along, a military tanker plane flies up behind him.  As it gets overhead, it lowers its refueling line, only the line is carrying coffee, not gas.  So the guy opens up his sunroof and holds up his coffee cup, getting it topped off from the jet.  Get it?  Ha. Ha.

So what bothers me about this?  The fact that if a jet like that actually slowed down enough to match speeds with the car, it would immediately stall out and pancake on top of the guy.   For some reason, the impossibility of the scenario really gets under my skin.

The other commercial, or set of commercials, that I dislike are for an office supply company called W.B. Mason.   The theme here is that it’s a “crime” to use low-quality office supplies, so the things feature black and white film noir crime-scene sets and principal actors walking about as detectives in trench coats and mustaches.  There’s even one where the same mustachioed detectives are baseball announcers, instead.  Don’t ask.  The overall effect is immensely stupid and, at times,  borderline incomprehensible, and if I were the W.B. Mason exec in charge of the advertising budget, I’d sack whatever agency they’re using instanter and try some other approach.

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