Jonathan V. Last, in a review of a study of fathers’ roles in childbirth called “Make Room For Daddy” over at OpinionJournal, has much to say on the subject of our involvement with which I am in hearty agreement:
In the 1950s, fathers were pulled into the process thanks to a book by Dr. Grantly Dick-Read. His “Childbirth Without Fear” advocated natural birthing — this was before the targeted anesthesia of epidurals, when many women were simply knocked out for the duration. Dr. Dick-Read also argued that husbands should be with their wives up to the moment of delivery, supporting and comforting them. The book was a sensation. Men began migrating to labor rooms, where they rubbed their wives’ backs and witnessed the preliminary motions in the great feminine trial.
The natural child-birth counterculture was helped along, oddly enough, by the development of caudal anesthesia, a revolutionary drug that permitted women to manage pain while remaining awake during birth. Ms. Leavitt quotes one woman who was amazed at how the new drugs changed the labor-room experience, allowing certain civilized rituals to be observed: “When I’d drained [the coffee], my husband lighted a cigarette and passed it over to me. I took it gratefully.” Shortly after, she was wheeled into the delivery room, leaving behind the cigarette-provider.
It wasn’t until the late 1960s that men began taking the last step. Urged on by books such as Robert Bradley’s “Husband-Coached Childbirth,” men started going the distance. By 1970, the delivery room had been pried open.
All manner of idiocy followed: tape recorders, cameras, video. Husbands huffing and puffing with the mothers. The expression “we’re pregnant.” Various fads have cajoled fathers into cutting the umbilical cord or playing catcher as the baby exits the birth canal or stripping off their shirts and clutching the newborn “skin-to-skin.” By the late 1970s, a man was considered something of a monster if he didn’t at least stand north of the equator during the delivery of his child.
Hear, hear. What a horrid state we’ve reached. I confess that I was dragooned into cutting one of the gel’s cords (I forget which one), but for the actual birth of each of them, I remained well “north of the equator” with my eyes locked firmly on the ceiling, deeply longing to be somewhere else far away.
But Last also makes a further observation that goes beyond the foolishness of the birth-bonding fad itself and points out the grotesque larger point:
The increasing involvement of fathers in childbirth has been mirrored by a decreasing involvement of fathers in fatherhood. Between 1940 and 1980, the American divorce rate more than doubled. In 1940, 2% of babies were born out of wedlock. Today that number is closer to 40%. There is something unwell about a society that requires fathers to pretend to find beauty in effaced cervixes, episiotomies and the bloody show — but then allows them to skip out on the rearing of the child.
Explaining how the dinosaurs once rationalized keeping men in the Stork Club, Ms. Leavitt quotes one doctor’s argument from the mid-1960s: “As the charm of woman is in her mystery, it is inconceivable that a wife will maintain her sexual prestige after her husband witnessed the expulsion of a baby — a negligee will never hide this apparition.” Another doctor concluded: “On the whole, it is not a show to watch.”
We all laugh at how benighted such views are. (Even if there is, just possibly, some truth in them.) Yet today it is socially acceptable to father a child without marrying the mother or to divorce her later on if mother and father actually do bother to get hitched. And at the same time there is zero tolerance for a husband who says: “No thanks, I’ll be in the waiting room with cigars.” Ms. Leavitt’s fascinating history suggests that childbirth is just one more area where our narcissism has swamped our seriousness.
Got it in one. How typical of the way we live now that Modern Dad’s energy goes into staging some silly little Kodak Moment in the delivery room when we can no longer be bothered to do the day-in-day-out leg work of actually raising the child in a stable, two-parent home. I know one or two such villains personally whom I would gladly horsewhip, had I a horse. (Have the Feminists yet figured out that no-fault divorce was the greatest scam ever perpetrated on women by men, by the way?)
Also, count me in with Last and those silly 60′s dinosaur doctors interested in preserving the female mystique.

5 comments
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June 4, 2009 at 7:19 pm
The Maximum Leader
Do you need a horse and a horsewhip or just a horsewhip? I don’t have a horsewhip, but I do have a camelwhip. They are more substanial than a horsewhip. I’d be happy to loan it out for your foray.
I wish I could have avoided the delivery room. But alas I was there three times. Immediately after my first child was born the doctor asked me if I wanted to cut the cord. I responded, “Isn’t that what I’m paying you for?” I never got asked again…
June 4, 2009 at 8:35 pm
GroovyVic
Skin-to-skin? Gag…I never even did that, and I’m the one who did all the work!
Look, I wanted my husband in the delivery room, but I drew the line at pictures or videos. Gross. And whether or not my husband wanted to look “down there” or cut the cord was entirely up to him. He’d seen worse when he was a volunteer fireman; I’m sure that to him childbirth was nothing compared to cutting a bashed up drunk driver out of a twisted car.
But like I said, it was all his choice.
June 4, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Sister
I can loan you a whip or something stronger if you’d like. I can provide addresses. Yeah. Getting divorced after kids is possibly the biggest screw up a person could do. All you accomplish is giving into your own self-loathing and damaging the children. There’s no way around it. Either figure it out before kids, or suck it up and work at it.
On a lighter note….
Husband was VERY keen on being there for the birth and did cut the cord – entirely his choice, which slightly grossed ME out. I think it’s up to the father. I was far more traumatized in every possible way than he. I was VERY keen on not being there and don’t plan on ever doing it again. Love the baby, don’t love the process. At all. Done. Two is good. Plus they are two sweet ones and if we tried it again we’d end up with a total monster. And I’d go mad.
Possibly TMI but I couldn’t resist.
June 5, 2009 at 1:22 am
beth
The #1 question we got asked when we found out that a birth mother had chosen to place her baby with us is “Do you get to be there at the birth?” I really couldn’t imagine why anyone would think that a complete stranger would want us there while she went through that…nor could I imagine why anyone would think we would want to be there. Frankly, the whole birth process is one huge reason I’m glad to not be able to get pregnant.
June 5, 2009 at 1:17 pm
jen
Beau was spared since I had c-sections, although I think if you ask him he might say he’d prefer to watch natural birth over a c-section. He seemed happy enough to just hold my hand, sitting next to my head behind the curtain.