Hot steamy Gallic passion leads to distraction and death in the bivalve world:

Young French oysters have fallen prey to a killer virus because they have used up too much energy developing their sex organs, scientists believe.

An expert team has been trying to find out why oysters have been decimated in all but one of France’s coastal beds, dealing a severe blow to the industry.

A warm winter and wet spring left the young oysters especially vulnerable to Oyster Herpesvirus type 1, they say.

They matured too fast, feeding on abundant plankton, the scientists say.

The destruction of oysters aged 12 to 18 months ranges from 40% to 100% in all the French oyster beds except for one area at Arcachon in the south-west.

An expert from the Ifremer institute, Tristan Renault, told the French news agency AFP that “the animal has been using up a lot of energy developing its genitalia and using a lot less to defend itself”.

Of course, these are French oysters, so I don’t suppose this should come as any surprise. After all, it’s not as if they had a particularly strong defensive system to begin with.

Jean Oyster: Ah, ma chere! Ah am so sated weeeth food and consumed by thoughts of amor por vous zat I can no longer conseeeder even of mah own safety!

Marie Oyster: Ah, Jean! Eet is all the same por nous. Embrace moi, you master of my tidal bed!

Herpesvirus Type 1: Achtung! Das ist eine Kriegsviruskommadoblitzen! Der Oystershnoggen ist Verboten und Kaput! Rasch, Schnell!!

Jean & Marie: Merde!